September 20, 2007, 4:56 PM
she's angry for me not going to school .he won't even let me out now .
they wouldn't want to even give me money now .
i feel so broke that i don't even have a single cent in my wallet .
& neither do i have any fags to survive .
it's really depressing now .
i can feel it & it's taking all over me .
i don't know why i'm feeling like this .
& i know that the bad temper has been affecting everyone around me .
it made me hurt alot of people i love .
which includes saying & doing things i ain't supposed to be doing .
& i know i have been really selfish about the way i have been doing things
but i was given too much face to begin with .
i know i always hasn't been good in handling relationship
cos the previous had given in so much that i became so used to it .
that nowdays , i tend to take many things for granted .
you could call me a coward too
for the fact i like to run away each time i'm faced with another problem .
the fact that i hate to apologise even when i know its wrong .
i blame myself for letting my pride get over me at times
but that's the way i are & i would never ever put myself so low down .
i know i'm egoistic but that's how it is .
it's not that i don't wanna change but for the fact that all takes time .
& i can't seem to please everyone cos i won't be pleasing myself with the new me .
sometimes these words come out of me due to my anger .
& i always think i will do it with or without any help .
which has hurt the person i loved the most .
& you may not be able to accept it cos time after time it gets repeated .
i know i have been waiting this so much that now i seem it doesn't matter to me anymore .
cos everything seems to be wrong with me .
i'm sorry for being the cause of your pain .
& for all those i hurt in any single way i'm really sorry .
it's hard to forgive when i know i hurt you .
but trust me , i mean it this time x
so retail therapy is the only way that might make me smile for now .
not forever but maybe for a lil while .
but that bitch is being a big bitch to not give me a single cent .
paris hilton , adopt me .
ona lighter note , i found myself a new suga daddy .
& i can't believe i actually managed a whole long emo post about my life .
what in the world is wrong with me .
i grew up & i fucking screwed up .
i'm sorry .
xoxox .
Labels: sorry seems to be the hardest word .
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23November1991
eurasian
loud & bitchy .
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